She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
