whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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