my soul wont recognize me after tonight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
