There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
