Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
