Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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