After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
