Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize