I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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