I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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