Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize