I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
