the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
