I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
