I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
