I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
false alarm, still single
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