Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
