Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
