week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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