I am puke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
