I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone came in the potted fern
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
