it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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