she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
