Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
