if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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