After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
