I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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