wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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