Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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