$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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