Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
