i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
