i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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