Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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