He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
