I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
