so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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