My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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