thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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