youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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