youre lurking in front of me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my being single is dangerous.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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