Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
