at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
