I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
