Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
