You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no, he came in my armpit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
