Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
