I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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