Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
