now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
