i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
