Sry I called you an 8
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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