Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
