dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize