My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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