How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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