Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
