she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
