People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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