I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
