tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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