He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
