i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
