Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize