yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
