I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
