there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
