Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
