i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
