I looked at my own cervix.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His hands were made for my vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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