can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
