why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
