took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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