nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
