I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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