How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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