On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I will be naked everywhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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