Swine flu. Run for my life!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
