so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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