Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
