I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
