its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
