the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize